November

This is the month of nabloplogmofowtf.  I don't know what it's called, but it's basically a month of writing daily trying to get a novel done. I'm not doing that. I'd like to write a book in my life, but I have no idea what it would be about. I'm not in that phase of my life. I'm sewing a LOT. I am certain there is a sewing version of this. I know there are some art versions too. Because I've been sewing so much, I've been neglecting my art. Therefore, I'm doing art everyday this month. I suppose I should also document and post it somewhere. I struggle with this. It feels forced and inauthentic and just, off somehow. As if just because a thing is blogged, it is a proper entity. As if nothing truly exists unless you can see it on a screen. I hate that. But I don't know any other easier way to connect and put stuff out into the world. So I suppose that will be happening too.

I've come to terms with the fact that I really don't like blogging. It feels like virtual scrapbooking, and I hate scrapbooking. The process holds no enjoyment for me. It's like knitting. I only do it out of necessity because I want the final product. This makes me feel like I'm lacking. However will I make it as any sort of creative person if I don't put a lot of effort into a web presence? I guess that means I'll need to actually connect with people. In the world. Whaaaaaaaaaaaaa? How does that work? I have to stop telling myself that I never have time. I have to find and make time. *sigh*

I did a little doodle yesterday, and today I did some random color play so I'm on track!  I really wanted to dive into an art journal spread, but I didn't have enough time. The pull was fierce though, so that will motivate me to keep going and make it a priority. I will get these things posted. Maybe I'll upload photos once a week. I need some sort of goal, but daily isn't going to happen. And does anyone really care? Maybe I'll eve try to get people to look at them. I'm going to hyperventilate. I can't ever decide if I want feedback or not. I do this mainly for the experience of doing it. I don't know where to go beyond that. Do I need to know at this point? I feel like I do, but I think that's actually a mental block that becomes an excuse and freezes me up for no good reason.

I've been doing morning pages again whenever I get the chance, so that is pretty awesome. Those scribbles give me so much clarity. Why do they feel like a dirty secret? Like an AA meeting or something. Like I shouldn't have to TRY so dang hard.