Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Coming Down

Just a week ago I was about to leave for ArtFest, full of nerves and excitement.  No idea what the next few days held for me.  Now I'm back and it's over.  But I'm so changed.  I feel like this came into my life at the perfect moment.  The past year or so, I have been really dissecting myself and trying to figure myself out.  I suppose that came about because I found myself extremely unhappy for seemingly no reason.  I felt empty and dissatisfied even though all my needs were met.  Except they weren't.  I'd become accustomed to not listening to myself.  I'd shrunken down deep within myself and I was still in there, small and screaming to not be forgotten.  So I had to figure that out.  It was quite a process, and obviously will never be finished, but I've made a lot of progress.  I had to give myself permission to fulfill more than just my needs. To realize that the things I feel drawn to feed my spirit and help me grow and if I don't do them, I am committing spiritual suicide.  There's no point to that.  I'd become empty and disconnected.  It was like the plug had been pulled and I was slowly draining out of myself.  Now is refilling time, and I feel better than I have in, well, probably ever.  The best part of ArtFest was being surrounded by creative people, who live creative lives.  All of them were brave.  Fearless in one way or another.  Their souls were expansive.  Everyone was an open book.  An open link waiting to hold onto something and just feel it and learn from it before letting it go.  There was only one person I met who seemed clouded in jaded judgment.  It was painfully obvious that she was lugging some heavy baggage, but also so refreshing that this attitude was the odd one out instead of the other way around.  I'm ready to go forward.  I'm excited and curious to see what each new day brings from here.  And I'm determined to make it good.

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