Today I wept. And Painted. And Practiced.

All day I had a lump in my throat and tears on the brink.  I even lost a few.  Not sure why.  Emotional letdown.  I felt so good last week.  Bright.  Invincible almost.  Today I feel vulnerable.  Soft.

My solution was to put on the paint smeared 7 Of All Mankind jeans I found at The Bins that fit me perfectly.  I stopped there on the way back from ArtFest.  I admit part of the reason I bought them is because I've heard they are 'spensive, and they were my size.  And paint-smeared!  It was a sign.  A Buy Me sign.  They were sitting near another pair of skinny jeans that will fit into my boots.  They also fit me perfectly (without even trying them on) Score!  Also got a nightstand to refinish, a nice wool sweater, a sparkly grey scarf I love, and a leather purse I also love.  I imagine these all came from the same fabulous gal who should totally give me all her cast offs in the future.  Anyhow, I figured the painty jeans would be great to wear when I need a kick in the pants.  I do well with some sort of uniform.  I used to wear certain clothes when I designed purses.  It got me into work mode.  So I donned the pants and started squirting paint into my hands and just went at the canvas.  That's when I really wept.  I can't put it into words at the moment, but it had to be released.

 I decided a while ago that I wanted to paint Anne Frank.  I need a first project that isn't trying too hard.  Something that just is what it is, but is more than a bowl of goddamn fruit.  I got started, and then had to let it dry because it was getting dangerously close to a smeary mess.

Of course, girls wanted in on the fun.  On canvas boards no less!  Paper is just no longer good enough.  Cardboard will also do.  Must remember to keep all cardboard from now on.  I had to lay down the law on my paints and brushes though.  They have good paint and brushes, but don't touch mama's!

They were very excited to follow my lead by painting with their hands and smearing paint on my pants!  Thank you Target for the clearance plastic tablecloth.  I drag it out whenever they want to paint.  I used to wipe it off every time, but those days are over.  It is for art now and nothing else.

Paint needed to dry and the girls got into the tub, so I practiced my violin for a while.  I was working on the next two lines of Autumn Leaves, which I had just figured out.  I YouTubed a million versions.  This one is beyond cool but not exactly what I need to learn.  Still helps to have something in my head while I'm playing.  My teacher is going to make me a recording of this song and the scales I'm learning.  Get on it, Luke.  I want it now!  I'm really excited for that.  I'm such a nerd.

It also lead me down a fun YouTube road of other Edith Piaf music.  I need to watch Ma Vie En Rose again!  Back to the song... so I just barely have it memorized, and I still have to work on where the notes land.  No frets!  Violin is hardcore shit.  It's crazy all the things you have to be aware of, and how it comes together.  I'm starting to be able to think of the how it should sound and know where my fingers need to go rather than just visualizing what's on the page.  I think that's why I'm doing so much better without the tapes.  This video was my second time doing all 4 lines together.  The first half I'm just trying to remember how it goes, and the second part I was actually putting it together.  I was also trying to bow lighter and faster than I have been.  It's harder for me, and I've only been working on it since yesterday.  It bounces and scratches around more, especially when I'm playing near the tip.  The sound is much nicer though.  The whole thing is pretty painful, but I thought it would be fun to see how I progress.  Not bad for 3 weeks in, right? Hmm.  The video isn't synchronized with the audio.  Ugh.  Why so wonky, computer?

Oh, and that shirt I'm wearing, I made a long time ago from the Built By Wendy Stretch book.  The fabric has sparkly gold threads that make me happy and I love the boatneck and longer than usual sleeves.  This past week, I've worn at least 3 pieces I made myself.  Anyway, after all the paint, and noise, and now words, I feel much better.  Hmm, so I just realized you can't really see my shirt in the bad video.  Whatever.  This is my self indulgent blog of frivolous ramblings on beautifulness, so I will talk about it anyway.  pffffft.